Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Jackson Kirk Grimes For President

Like a fool I thought there was only two real candidates for president, the ones fielded by the Republican and Democratic parties. I have since been disabused of that naive notion by the current leading authority on American political movements, Noot, who also happens to be my high school pal. There are, in fact, nearly three hundred people in the race for President. They are all listed at the Project Vote Smart website. Most of these people have filed a statement of candidacy or at least told the Federal Election Commission that they have formed a campaign committee. Some have only expressed an interest in being President.

This site tells me a lot of scary information. For example, John McCain's middle name is Sidney. Now, I'm for McCain but this Sidney business gives me pause. McCain and his foxy wife Cindy have a total of seven kids together. It makes me wonder if this whole campaign for President is just an excuse for him to get away from the house.

There are dozens of Republicans and Democrats running. For example, Yaphet Kotto is running as a Republican. I loved him as Mr. Big in "Live and Let Die." Abdul (Kareem) Muhammad is a Muslim out of Long Beach, CA running on Republican ticket. Ain't gonna happen, buddy.

It's odd that Hillary Rodham Clinton lists her maiden name, like it might dilute that Clinton name. The Emperor Caesar is also running as a Democrat, but he's way too easy to confuse with Hillary. That's gonna hurt him. Name confusion is going to hurt Robert Anthony "Ram Rod" Gibson. Ram Rod. Rodham. Let's call the whole thing off. However, Heather Fox is running as a Democrat with a name that just sounds like she's hot but she doesn't post a headshot so she's not getting my vote.

Andy Clown Miannay is running as an Independent. No thanks, Andy, we've already suffered through a clown for president in the '90s. No more, I say. No. More.

Susan Gail Ducey is a registered nurse with a husband and two kids in Sedgwick County, Kansas. She has an associates degree in nursing from Highline Community College, 1989, and volunteers as a nurse in the local hospital but wouldn't mind being president. Republican. She sounds nice enough and being President would probably solve her daycare problems. On the other hand, I resolutely oppose the candidacy of Philipp A. Kok, Republican, because he has a name that lends itself too easily to phone pranks. I don't want to see the headlines that would come of such a presidency.

Jesus Bilal Islam Allah 'Alfred Lawrence Patterson' Muhammed professes the religion of "Almighty God - Almighty God is Everything That Exist" and boasts a grade point average of 2.8 from the year he spent at Wayne County Community College. That's better than Teddy Kennedy's first year at college. He's worked as an assistant janitor and security guard. We've had plenty of lawyer presidents, too many, but never a janitor. It may be time.

By contrast, I have no love for Vermin Love 'Sparky' Supreme who's running as a Republican. He's an "activist," naturally, who works in construction and as street theater performer. He professes the "Old Time" religion, which might be a brand of beer. He's run for mayor of Baltimore, where I think he probably couldn't do much more harm to the city than the present crew.

John Joseph "JJ" Kennedy is a 54-year-old unmarried Democrat, who pulled down a 3.7 GPA during his first and only year of college. From there, he was a male fashion model for Kim Dawson Modeling and JoAnn Fullerton Models. Since then he's been protesting the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program (HAARP) and the government's weather manipulation. He doesn't like nuclear testing, either, and wants the war in Iraq stopped. He sounds dumb enough to be a Kennedy. I'm suspicious of a male model who can't find a wife. That should be his first priority, though we may have to wait for gay civil unions to be legal.

Gene Amondson is running for the Prohibition Party. Dude, your time has come and gone. Jacques Yves Boulerice of the Native American Party sounds way too French to be our President. James Louis Dezort Watchman, Independent Party, has a name that sounds too much like a convicted serial killer. Robert Coleman Jorgenson who lists his party as "Other" is out because I'll never vote for a president too lazy to even make up a name for a fake party. For Pete's sake, couldn't you come up with something, anything, like the "Mom, Flag, & Apple Pie" Party? Who could be against that?

God Johan Josephe Lally also hails from the "Other" party. He's a dairy farmer and Vegetarian Benedictine priest married to Virgin Mary John Lally Burtz and practices the Catholic Teutonic religion. He claims to be self-educated. I can't help but think that giving him the reins of power would be opening a real can of worms here.

Bradley K. Lord-Leutwyler of the "None" party has a law degree. He claims to be a visiting lecturer at the University of Las Vegas and teaches college test prep for Kaplan. He's out. We had a whole revolution to kick out British overlords with names like Lord-Leutwyler and we're not letting them crawl back in now.

There are scads of Green Party and Libertarians including Cynthia Ann McKinney from the Green Party and the Peace and Freedom Party. However, Noot and my eyes are drawn to Jackson Kirk Grimes from the United Fascist Union who lists his religion as Pagan and boasts of being a Storm Trooper in the Facist Freedom Front from 1967-1975. Hmmm, impressive. Ya kinda think that this candidacy is the result of a bet in some biker bar, but you never know. I'm not too crazy about his membership in the Impeach Bush Movement but then he's a member of the Screen Actor's Guild, so he probably has to do that stuff to get jobs.

Grimes wants to abolish Christianity and substitute classical Roman Paganism combined with Fascism as practiced by Mussolini in Italy. His platform is to abolish paper money, establish a "Universal Price Index" that freezes and then reduces commodity prices, and then create a "Confederacy of States" as a step toward a global government based on Corporate Statism. He's laid it all out on The Jerry Springer Show so he's legit.

However, the most persuasive argument for Grimes is his claim to have played Adolph Hitler in an episode of Star Trek. Unfortunately, his name doesn't seem to come up in the Internet Movie Database, but if he can prove this, he might just have my vote. It's not so much that I'm for anything that he proposes but rather that he's so freaky deaky out there that I'm crazy curious just to see what would happen if he was president.

Another keen observer of the political scene, Mike, by coincidence another high school pal, is considering running for President on the "Cold Beer Party" ticket: "We're adamantly opposed to stores that sell cold beer at lukewarm temperatures and believe the proprietors should have their heads shaved, they should be stripped naked, their butts paint blue, and then kicked out into traffic."

It's got a certain populist appeal and who wouldn't vote for Cold Beer?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

He played Hitler on "Star Trek; The Next Generation", trust me on that one, I filled out his bio form for him.

So do we have your vote, provided the Bush baddies don't blow up more tall buildings like they did in 01, to cancel the election?

Hail Grimes!
Heather Goldsmith

Dear Editor:

In looking to curb the greed and corruption in America, we turn to our good neighbors of the North, Canada. Examining the “Sale of Goods Act 1960 and amended Act of 1996”, we find once all the legalese is set aside, the objective of this act is to make sure Canadians play nice and don’t screw each other with dirty tricks and unfair business practices.

When I think about some of the crooked mechanics we have taken our car to, and some appliances we have bought in the past, I was wishing America had a Fairness Act similar to Canada. Digging deeper, we discovered it does, and also, states like Ohio and Texas have their own version to supplement the federal regulations.

But, it seems to us, due to wording and terminology Canada’s Fairness Act is superior to its American counterpart in almost all respects. The United Fascist Union therefore proposes American consumer protection legislation be revamped and amended so it is more like the laws and regulations existing in Canada and it’s provinces at present.

Sincerely yours,

Mr. Jack Grimes

Presidential Candidate of the

United Fascist Union

Wed Mar 19, 02:46:00 PM 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Editor:

Real Estate Madness

Recently, an article about people burning their houses down rather than allowing the bank to foreclose caught our attention and alerted us to the dire state of the real estate recession facing America today. Another item published told readers that the number of homes facing foreclosure jumped 57% by January 2008 compared to what it was last January. Some states, like Delaware, have gone so far as to establish outreach agencies like The Federation of Housing Counseling to prevent people from losing their properties.

When all is said and done, this whole mess came about because greedy banks lured potential home buyers to purchase properties they could not afford. The United Fascist Union proposes legislation be enacted and passed into law, that would restrict what bankers can and cannot do and say, for the common welfare of the community at large. The U. F. U. proposes massive reforms in existing bankruptcy laws to give homeowners a chance to pay off their loans.

Sincerely yours,

Mr. J. Grimes

United Fascist Union

U.S. Presidential Candidate

Mon Mar 24, 01:35:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Tantor said...

Actually, those one half of one percent of the mortgages at risk came about from borrowers who overextended themselves of their own free will. Foreclosure is a healthy economic corrective to that which teaches borrowers to buy within their means and banks to be wary of risky mortgages.

The last thing we need is the government meddling in the market in a fumble-fingered effort to improve on it by infringing on the liberty of people and businesses to dispose of their property and make deals as they see fit, even bad deals. The market corrects itself much better than the big, slow, clumsy, and dimwitted government ever could.

Mon Mar 24, 01:43:00 PM 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To the Editor:

This commentary is based on the article by Rory Sweeney "Fascist Flies Third-Party Banner". Dealing with the statements made about Prime Minister Mussolini and Iraq's President Hussein,i f by dictator you mean a tyrant as in ancient Greece, neither of them wielded that kind of power. Benito Mussolini was King Victor Emmanuel III's, Prime Minister, confirmed in his post by Parliament. Saddam Hussein was elected to his fourth term as President of Iraq prior to Bush's unprovoked invasion and ruled in conjunction with a Cabinet & Senate. Both leaders modernized and industrialized the lands they ruled and raised the standard of living for the average person, which is more than Mc Cain or 0bama will do for the low-income American citizens after they're (he's) elected.

Benito Mussolini and Saddam Hussein both did many good things for the countries they governed, ushering in decades of prosperity. Mussolini cut the strings of the Catholic Church in many ways and encouraged open public debates on religious and political issues. This made it hard for anti-Semitic gangs to work up the Italian mob to pogroms. Hussein, was practically an Arab JFK. The Ba'athist (Arabic for fascist) had universal free education for all grade levels, including college. President Hussein also enforced laws banning female circumcision and severely punished men who doused their wives with petrol and set them on fire. Our government in Iraq was one of the few administrations in the Semitic world (other than Israel) that granted full equality to women, allowing them to dress as they pleased. Our Saddam also heralded in a new era of tolerance, welcoming Christians and Jews and breaking down barriers between Sunnis and Shiites.

Sincerely yours,
Mr. J. Grimes
Director & CEO
of the United Fascist Union


Fri Nov 07, 11:57:00 AM 2008  
Anonymous John Roberts, Ph.D. said...

You weren't aware that there were more than two parties fielding candidates for President?
The fact that you didn't know that, or remember the name "Ralph Nader", is more of a reason to vote for a major candidate because none of the third parties have anything in their platforms to improve education which, clearly, has had an adverse affect on your knowledge of your own nation's electoral process.

Tue Jan 20, 10:46:00 PM 2009  
Blogger Tantor said...

John Roberts, go look up "tongue in cheek" in the dictionary and "sarcasm" while you're at it. Maybe once you have mastered those concepts you will be able to understand the nuances of comedic posts.

Wed Jan 21, 12:35:00 AM 2009  
Blogger sexy said...


Tue Mar 10, 07:16:00 AM 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DearJim: 3/21/09

Done did. Heather showed me how too.

Money is a factor that limits us all. I think it's only the white mentality afflicted with this paralysis, my Arab friend Karim came to Canada with $50 US in his pocket and found a way to stay. The Italian guy who runs Brothers Pizza on Main St. told us a similar story. They breed this dependency on money into the white mans mind to hold us hostage to this false god. You've got a Polish wife. Go there; Poland would be better than this sh*t hole. I'm going to Canada and, I'm staying until the money runs out, then I'll slash my wrists rather than come back to this pig sty if that's my only choice.

The media put this sack of sh*t in the White House.A newspaper article prior to the election said if Barak 0bama wins the election it will be the biggest mob heist in history. Everyone conspired to give this c*cksuck*r power. Hilary Clinton won the Democrat Party's popular vote but the delegates made 0bama their candidate anyway. Mc Cain won the national popular vote but the Electoral College installed this maggot. Something I read somewhere said the last time the popular vote was observed in a national election was 1988. Say what you will about 0bama, McCain, Biden or anyone of these @ssh0les, I blame the people. I read "after the election racist groups had a surge in membership". If that's true, what are they doing with their new recruits? No mass murder, no violence of any sort. A people who won't kill their mortal enemy to survive don't deserve to.

You know Heather and I read a little bit of your "Siege" to each other every night she's off in bed and sometimes we become so excited over the content we are deprived of sleep until the wee hours of the morning over what you've written. So you have a certain flair one might call genius, pity nobody's listening. Btw, Heather makes these blogs on newspaper sites for the U.F.U. (I don't know why the censor kills them as soon as she gets a couple of friend requests or a few kind words). She wants to know if you care if we post Rockwell's Dragon thing or his Ten Thousand Apes on the ones that still function? Does he have a wife and kids who will sue us for copyright infringement?

I gave up trying to figure out women years ago. Decades ago after Bernice and Marta stomped me into the ground and kicked me in the gutter. But, I don't think a phones coming anytime soon until Heather's sure Laura Adams or Loretta Karlow won't call me when she's working nightshift at the Country Pride restaurant on Newark Rd.


Mr. J. Grimes


Fri Mar 20, 03:13:00 PM 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Cuspid; 4/1/09

That theory runs very nearly, if not exactly thus, the Cat People sank Atlantis (a.k.a. Thule) with a planet buster missile in an attempt to destroy the Nordics, who they had previously exiled to that frozen wasteland hoping nature would do their dirty work for them as the Aryans were viewed by the Kutsatorian’s as a failure that wasn’t good for much of anything. After they began to build cities and develope the continent, the Kutsatorian’s grew fearful that the Norsemen, who had steam engines and crude glider planes by this time. The Emperor imagined they’d build star ships and rival Kutsa Prime in the space faring trade, so he panicked and sent a Death star armed with a prototype of a planet buster missile to destroy the earth. 0bviously they underestimated the ability of their planet buster missile or we wouldn’t be having this pleasant correspondence today. However, Leister reports they managed to sink the continent. Noah supposedly survived the disaster and was an admiral of a fleet of U boats that surfaced in what we call the Persian Gulf today. Babylon, or Ur, was the first place the survivors settled and started to build, the SEMITES who were indigenous to the region had never saw white men before so they thought they were gods, describing them as bright, ghostlike, shining and coloured like snow. The Jews did the same thing as the Indians (Hindus) and Greeks and Romans were to do later, as the Americans are doing now, breeding with dark races. Heather, herself is an example of what we are discussing, she has strawberry blond hair if she’d let it grow in and violet eyes but, her father Ebenezer Goldsmith, could have been used as a model for Lothrop Stoddard’s “Jewish Types” pamphlet Commander Collin used to publish.

Poppies, little white flowers. You grind them into tobacco and smoke them in a water pipe. I’m not sure; Marta was looking for new things to have fun with as we had tired ourselves of yellow barrel acid that was the latest fad on the street back then. I was reading Mr. Crowley’s “Diary 0f A drug Fiend” so, I said; “you know a lot of people who are connected up, my dear, why don’t we try something we’ve never done before, opium if you want new experiences, showing her the description the author gave of its marvelous effects”. She was delighted by the thought of our new discovery. I think her daughter Darla might have told her about a pusher with opium in his stock who hung out at Herb’s Place and, how to contact him as she seemed to know all the dealers working Muskingum County in the 1980’s. Drugs are NOT always bad. They’re a lot like alcohol, chocolates and cigarettes, a harmless pleasure or a helper tool in the right hands, if used in moderation or by a skilled magician but, pure poison when they fall into the hands of a madman or a fool. People look at symptoms without seeing the disease, so they blame dope for the social evils of our time, when weakness of human nature is the real root cause of the problem. Charles Manson is quoted as having said; something to the effect; “I did drugs before The Man told the public that there was even a drug problem”. By the same token, I don’t believe the great unwashed masses should have access to them either.

The consciousness of, the Beings In Nothing Drive, according to Joan D’Arc who coined the phrase in a short story she wrote, it’s like the headlights are on but somebody else,
Cuspid Weems
Conclusion 4/1/09

NOT YOU, is in the drivers’ seat, you’re merely observing events that you should be participating in. Another way to say the same thing might be, like we told James Mason in our correspondence of a few days past: “the masses today, being under an alien WILL, remind one of zombies in these antique horror films being controlled by a mad man, they walk and talk but the motivating brain is completely alien to the body it’s animating. This would explain why the Americans are the way they are. A zombie won’t care whether the elections bringing us both baby Bush & 0bama were rigged and they never won nor, have a right to the office they hold (have held) whatsoever. The Webs full of evidence either 0bama didn’t win the 08 election or it should not have been possible for him to even run at all. But, there the sack of 5h1t sits, the mafia’s pet monkey in the White House pretending he’s President. Now, that’s a different matter, but it’s also related to this zombie effect, ignorance. How many people know the Electoral College hasn’t observed the popular vote since 1988 or that Bush rigged FL in 2000 & 0hio in 04 and that Mc Cain overwhelmingly won the popular vote in 2008 but, the Electoral College arbitrarily installed 0bama? May I point out, some people –few and far between still believe the 9/11 mind fr*ck was the real deal.

No, Letterman was the last talk show formatted program we participated in, in 1998, although we were informed some of the candidate’s gatherings we spoke at during the 2000 & 2004 elections were covered by various TV stations and/or networks. The very first TV talk programme we were party too, was something called “The Lou Gordon Show” broadcast on WMHA channel #68 out of Parma, the first time I lived in Cleveland, 0hio in the 1970’s. I called the station and booked Anton La Vey on it, as I lived in the area (there were still some local programmes being produced in those days), so as a reward I got to go on the panel with Dr. La Vey and a man he bought with him from California and a woman witch from 0regon. There were no Christians and/or mean spirited confrontations that marked later talk shows we were to tape in those days. The only trick question may have been the host asking La Vey, “You’re all white people, are you racists?” But, he quickly disposed of the matter, pointing out that; “coloured people give off different vibes than white do so it’s better if occult groups practice a form of self imposed segregation.

Did you get the spring Paranoia or Mysteries Magazine yet? We haven’t but some query letters to the Fasc. U cause us to ponder whether or not our ad was published.

No Chillicothe but he lived in 0hio too. It’s probably the guy you knew. I think that’s his real name. Did the actor James Mason play the Nazi Rommel? He was Tiberius in A.D. and I think one of the guy who murder Caesar in Shakespeare’s play.

Mr. J. Grimes

Tue Mar 31, 04:35:00 PM 2009  

Post a Comment

<< Home