Iran Declares War On Dogs

The mad mullahs of Tehran have launched a new campaign against "un-Islamic behavior" by targeting Iranians out walking their dogs. The dogs are arrested and thrown in a newly built dog prison. The good news is that the dogs are often let out on bail after a couple days. Good doggy!

An Iranian woman who called herself Najda told Radio Farda that she was bringing her dog home from surgery at the vet when the police arrested the pooch and gave her a good reprimand:

"We want to get rid of western culture. You live in an Islamic country, it's not right to have dogs. Are you not Islamic? Why does your family allow you to own a dog? ... They insulted me, they even told me they hope my dog will die. There was nothing I could do but cry. ... One day it's dogs, tomorrow they have to catch birds. The police themselves must be laughing at us."

Yet another young woman had her puppy detained for 48 hours for "walking in public" and then released on bail. Evidently, they are not so hard on juvenile canine offenders.

The Muslim geniuses who run Iran see keeping dogs as pets as "morally depraved". From the holy city of Qom, the font of cutting edge Shia thought, an ayatollah singled out "short-legged dogs" as particularly bad. It's all part of the Big Effort by Iran to nip the corrupting influence of western popular culture it calls "Westoxification." When you read about the Iranian crackdown on pets, you just can't help but think that this demonstrates the kind of maturity, sophistication, rationality, and tolerance you'd like to see in a nation armed with nuclear weapons. What could go wrong?

Of course, any time you hear of something Really Stupid in the Muslim world, one naturally wonders, "How can the Saudis out-stupid this?" Say no more, Wahhabi nutjob fans. The wacky Wahhabis have done their hated Shiite enemy in Iran one better by outlawing dogs and cats, too, thus proving who are the best Muslims of all! What can Iran do now but raise the ante and throw fish and hamsters in the pokey? You can almost see the goldfish behind bars already.

Aleetha al-Jihani, a typically thickskulled Saudi, wrote a letter to the editor of the Al-Madina newspaper:

"One bad habit spreading among our youths is the acquisition of dogs and showing them off in the streets and malls. ... There's no doubt that such a matter makes one shudder. What's the point of dragging a dog behind you? This is blind emulation of the infidels."

Well said, al-Jihani! You don't want to blindly emulate us infidels by playing with dogs or cats or turning on the air conditioning or putting ice in your drink from the fridge or driving cars or getting surgery or any of those other damned things that we accursed infidels do. It's time you gave all that up and went back to the goatskin tent herding animals in the desert. Be sure to take your Koran with you.