How To Behead

Budding Islamic poetess, Samina Malik, 23, an admirer of the beheader of Nick Berg, Zarqawi, recently published her new poem, "How To Behead," on Islam Online, an immensely popular website for Muslims:

Hold him
Tie the arms behind his back
And bandage his legs together
Just by the ankles
Blindfold the punk
So that he won't hesitate as much
For on seeing the sharp pointy knife
He'll begin to shake
And continuously scream like an eedyat
And jiggle like a jelly
Trust me–this will sure get you angry
It’s better to have at least two or three brothers by your side
Who can hold the fool
Because as soon as the warm sharp knife
Touches his naked flesh
He'll come to know what'll happen
It's not as messy or as hard as some may think,
It's all about the flow of the wrist.
No doubt that the punk will twitch and scream
But ignore the donkey's ass
And continue to slice back and forth
You'll feel the knife hit the wind and food pipe
But don't stop
Continue with all your might.
About now you should feel the knife vibrate,
You can feel the warm heat being given off,
But this is due to the friction being caused.

Samina Malik practices the Religion of Peace in the United Kingdom, where she worked in a Heathrow shop. Unfortunately, her poetry did not elicit the admiration of the British legal system who convicted her of possessing documents likely to be used for terrorism, such as the The Mujaheddin Poisoner’s Handbook, Encyclopaedia Jihad, How To Win In Hand To Hand Combat, How To Make Bombs, and Sniper Manual.

Her page on the social networking website Hi5 (something like Facebook) was introduced as evidence against her at trial, particularly the section titled "Favorite TV Shows":

“Watching videos by my Muslim brothers in Iraq, yep the beheading ones, watching video messages by Osama bin Laden and Ayman al-Zawahri and other videos which show massacres of the kaffirs.”

Malik began her literary career writing love poems at Villiers High School in Southall, Middlesex, then graduated to writing rap poems, emulating Tupac Shakur and 50 Cent, under the name "Lyrical Babe." She turned radical Muslim in 2004 and put on the hijab, changing her nom de plume to "Lyrical Terrorist."

When the cops raided her room, they found a scrap of paper on which she wrote:

"The desire within me increases every day to go for martyrdom, the need to go increases second by second."

They also found her poems, including this ode to killing infidels:

"Kafirs your time will come soon, and no one will save you from your doom."

I wonder how many lyrical terrorists walk among us.