It Sucks Being Bin Laden

It's been a bad year for Bin Laden. It wasn't so long ago he was sitting on top of the Muslim world, having struck a death blow to the Great Satan which would surely then fold like the paper tiger it was. But America didn't die nor did it suffer the same fate as the Soviet Union in Afghanistan. To Bin Laden's surprise, America took Afghanistan from him, took down most of his lieutenants, and chased him into a cave in Waziristan, where the worst he could do is make threats by video.

Osama had hope that Iraq might revive Al Qaeda's fortunes but now that's been shot to hell, too, by those damned infidel Crusaders. In his last videotape, "A Message to the People of Iraq," he's given up threatening America and been reduced to bitching about how bad the jihad is going. It sucks being Bin Laden these days.

Mistakes have been made, Bin Laden admits. Insurgents have done bad things, very bad things. Says Osama, "The mujahideen are the children of this nation ... they do right things and wrong things. ... Those who are accused of violations of God's commandments should face trial." Trial? What's Al Qaeda coming to when its terror chieftain starts advocating rule of law? What kind of friggin' terrorist obeys the law?

Bin Laden goes on to caution his followers against extremism: "I advise ... our brothers, particularly those in al Qaeda wherever they may be, to avoid fanatically following a person or a group." It appears that Bin Laden has finally figured out that he isn't winning any recruits with snuff videos or forced marriages or killing people's children to win their support.

Bin Laden even bitch-slapped himself for being too extreme: "I advise myself, Muslims in general and brothers in al-Qaida everywhere to avoid extremism among men and groups." Ya think?

Bin Laden bitched about the insurgents breaking into factions and fighting among themselves: "Some of you have been lax in one duty, which is to unite your ranks. ... Beware of division ... Muslims are waiting for you to gather under a single banner to champion righteousness. Be keen to oblige with this duty."

Bin Laden's problem is that the Sunni minority in Iraq who initially supported Al Qaeda has not only abandoned them but is now actively hunting them down and killing them. Bin Laden's thugs didn't know the first rule of guerrilla warfare is to gain the support of the people. As Mao said, a guerrilla must move among the people like a fish swims in the sea. Al Qaeda in Iraq alienated their Sunni supporters by trampling on them like an elephant, thinking they could force their support. Their bad.

In an audiotape, Bin Laden admitted that Al Qaeda had lost the war in Iraq. Fortunately for him, the liberal media hasn't heard about it. They still think he's winning and the war is bringing him loads of fresh recruits. Don't hold your breath hoping to read anything different from the "Iraq Is Vietnam" meme in the New York Times.

When Al-Jazeera broadcast Bin Laden's bout of pessimism and defeatism, Islamists were shamed and outraged that the network would show weakness or admit defeat. "God fight Al-Jazeera," cursed one Muslim yahoo who called Al-Jazeera a "collaborator with the Crusaders." The Islamist nutcases at the Al-Fajr Media Center, which distributes Al Qaeda propanda online, accused Al-Jazeera of "counterfeiting the facts" by editing Osama's speech to make it appear negative about the jihad. Said Al-Fajr, "Al-Jazeera directors have shamefully chosen to back the Crusaders' side, and the defenders of hypocrites and the thugs and traitors of Iraq." One wack job Muslim wrote a poem calling Al-Jazeera a "miserable fly in the garbage," concluding, "Your day will come, vile one. As long as we live, you won't be safe, Jazeera."

I will pause briefly here while I laugh my ass off.

The problem with pandering to an audience of bloodthirsty Muslim fanatics is that eventually they will turn on you when you don't toe their radical line. Violent revolutionaries eventually turn on each other and their violent revolutions eventually consume themselves. Robespierre, while head of the Committee of Public Safety, sent thousands to the guillotine during The Reign of Terror of the French Revolution, only to find himself sent to the same guillotine at the end. It is likely that Al-Jazeera, which happily served the terrorist jihad by broadcasting Al Qaeda propaganda and snuff videos, will one day be featuring the videos of its own managers and reporters being snuffed by Islamists as a lesson.

We're winning.